Baby fever: “A strong emotional urge to have a child.” ; “The yearning one gets after holding, seeing, or being around a baby. Typically happens in childless women of a young age.” This has been me for a couple of years now. I’ve always said, that if I don’t have a partner who wants children by the time I’m 40, I will raise a child on my own. It’s true. Fortunately for me, Saapjen wants children too. Fortunately for him, I want to wait. It’s pretty difficult to wait though.
Now I promise I’m not one of those women who stops taking birth control in secret, or who pokes holes in condoms. I know it’s important to wait. I have to finish studying, get a stable job, make sure Saapjen and I are able to live together, all that stuff. I am one of those people though, who cries every time a child is born in a tv-show or movie. Just seeing the mother reach out to her child and the other parent looking at them and holding this small human being… 🤗 You don’t have to be a talented actor to make me emotional during those scenes.
(Trigger warning: the next part will discuss suicide and self-harm)
A few weeks ago I came across a show on tv, in which they follow paramedics. A young girl had called for an ambulance because her older sister wanted to commit suicide. Immediately after talking to both girls, one of the paramedics called his own daughter to ask how she was doing. I burst into tears. Ever since then, I started worrying about how I would handle these situations as a parent. The documentary of Billie Eilish had the same effect. Billie had written in her notebook a poem about how she would harm herself and how far she’d go. To see and hear such young people talk about themselves and life that way… It’s tough.
So I know that even if you grow up in a safe environment, this shit can happen to anyone. As a parent you might feel helpless, guilty even. I really hope I’m able to handle these situations. If there’s a parent reading this: How do you make sure your child is open about their feelings?
It has made me wonder other stuff too. I want to be strict, but not distant. I want to be fun, but not irresponsible. A friend gave me a great example; a mother who allows her kids to drink alcohol, but their first beer has to be in the parents’ presence. Someone who can give valuable advice, but who’s not overprotective. There needs to be balance.
I sure as hell am not going to be like the “peregrine falcon”. My parents and I have been watching one incubate her 3 eggs online. 2 of them actually hatched last week, the other one probably died due to the cold. At first we were happy and we thought the chicks were so cute. Unfortunately, they didn’t survive either. The falcon still had to sit on the last egg and included her already-born babies in this. They suffocated 😢 We were all pretty heartbroken… The falcon however, didn’t really seem to care: she ate her dead chicks. Yeah, what kind of mother does that? Not me!
Alright, where was I going with this? Why am I even sharing this with the online world? 😂 Perhaps someone can relate to my thoughts and feelings… I will share a bit of advice I have already gotten from my own parents though. There are so many amazing moments when raising a child, that they make up for the bad times. Also: you can read all about parenting, but once they’re born, all those books won’t be needed anymore (at least that’s what happened with me, don’t know what that says about their parenting!). Also also: it’s good to think about whether you’ll be a good parent, but don’t obsess over it. If you got time and are already postponing having a child, focus on the more important things.
I should listen to my own advice.
Do you experience baby fever? Or perhaps you don’t want kids at all and can tell me something that helps me and others get over their baby fever. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Lots of warm hugs,